Admissions
by Frostings
Summary: Sasuke and Sakura find time to catch up.


**Title:** Admissions

**Summary:** Sasuke and Sakura finally find the time to catch up.

—**-**

A hot wind rose from the west, dry and carrying bits of leaves. It hit his face like a warm caress as he ventured to lift his face into it, picking out the scents of the afternoon. Here was the grass, and the soil, he thought, the earthy tones prevalent in the air. Here was the smell of lunch being prepared somewhere—steamed rice and grilled saury, which made his stomach rumble faintly. When he turned a little to the left, the scent of a bird in flight, wings furiously working in the air as it did so—it was a smell that reminded him of freedom. It was the scent of childhood. In his later years he would pick up on these scents and discard them, as they were deemed unnecessary, a sentimentality that had no place in his single-minded vision.

That seemed like a long time ago, but it could have only been barely a few months since it all ended.

His thoughts were distracted by the sound of sandals softly treading the ground in front of him. Sasuke turned slightly towards it, and sure enough, he caught the whiff of a familiar scent. Strawberry shampoo. So she never really changed it, regardless of her chagrin at the reveal that she shared the same shampoo as a ninken.

_That_ particular memory seemed like a million years ago.

There was a pause, then silence. She was waiting for him to say something, already knew that he had detected her.

"Aaa," he finally said, just to get the hesitation over and done with. "Is it Sakura then?"

"Yes, Sasuke-kun," she replied back softly, the sound of her footsteps resuming.

He balanced himself on one knee as he rose up to meet her. He didn't get a lot of visitors these days, not as many as he did during those first weeks, and that fact about his new life was something that really didn't take him by surprise. Only Team 7 had checked on him regularly, and it only took a pointed remark from him not to visit quite so often for them to back off. Of course, Naruto would have insisted on visiting him with Sakura, but his old friend was busy training to become the new Hokage now.

She quietly slid off her shoes and stepped up the foyer. He wasn't quite sure with the state of his household, but she had assured him that on her last visit that everything was taken care of, that she had overseen that things were in order and would make him as comfortable as possible. Despite many people's assumptions of him, Sasuke was not so unfeeling to not recognize Sakura's efforts. She was not his wife, much less his house maid. She was her own legend, earning her own spot in the history books. She had no cause to help him, indeed, had every reason in the book to turn her back on him, heroic deeds in the war or no. He had caused her great pain and sorrow, he knew that. He could not regret it, however—he did what he felt like he needed to do. She had been an unfortunate casualty of the reality of his life, caught in the crossfire without even knowing it, not until it was too late.

He sensed her looking around, checking with her keen eye if everything was still in order. He belatedly realized that she had never been in the Uchiha compound prior to the massacre, and indeed most likely only first set foot in it when she helped him set up his accommodations. If she found his insistence at going back to his childhood home morbid, she did not comment on it. Then again, she never commented on it when they were still genin. His own practical reasons were that he was more familiar with the house and its dimensions than anywhere else, a helpful advantage for a blind man.

She set down a picnic basket near her feet. "I brought lunch for us," she announced cheerfully. "I was hoping we could have it in the garden. There's shade and it's better than being cooped up in this house."

Sasuke nodded. She took the lead and he followed. She did him the greatest consideration by letting him get by with his own two feet. Despite the blindness, he wasn't really handicapped—not really. And Sakura had made it clear long ago that she wasn't going to treat him as one.

Yet she still spoke to him with her overly-bright voice, a doctor putting on her bedside manner for her patient. He settled himself on a seat opposite her as she busied herself with setting up the simple fare—onigiri, sandwiches, cold tea, sliced watermelon. She even had fresh tomatoes.

"So how are we feeling today?" she asked as he reached out for one.

"Hungry," he admitted.

"Your pantry does look a little bare," she said. "You know, we _could _arrange for someone to do your shopping for you and check on you…"

"No." It came out a little more forcefully than he wanted. It was weird to actually _feel _Sakura's frown of disapproval at his tone. He had never been the subject of it before, or at least, never felt it during their younger years, when she practically adored the ground he walked on. "I just neglected to do it this week, Sakura. No need to cause a fuss over it," he said, hoping his voice sounded more sedate in her ears this time around.

It seemed to work, and for several moments the two ate in silence. He wished she would say something to break the ice. But he didn't want her to, either. He didn't need any more favors.

After a while, she spoke again: "Shall we begin, then?"

He nodded. These days, the treatment was not so painful, not like when she first started coming around. These days, he actually looked forward her to coming around, if only just to break the monotony. He didn't really expect this fate for himself. Although he was still young, Sasuke had expected death at every turn, but it seemed like he was wrong in that too.

As he had been wrong with so many things, he supposed.

"Alright then, take a deep breath." She stood in front of him now and laid gentle fingers over his eyes, a butterfly's wing over the layers of bandages. "You know the drill, Sasuke-kun."

And he did. As he inhaled, he felt Sakura's chakra flow from her fingertips, through his eyes, and down to what felt like his very core. It was slightly unnerving. He had been used to Karin's own rough methods of healing, and was only familiar to Sakura's chakra in other methods, never through treatment. It was pleasant in its own way, knowing Sakura to some extent, marvelling at her control. It was, for all intents and purposes, a perfect extension of Sakura's will, usually manifested on the battlefield, a talent he had himself. But Sakura's was intuitive and sensitive, a good trait for a healer. While he needed the full force of his strength manifested, Sakura wielded the full force of her spirit whenever she treated him.

If she felt any sort of discomfort or awkwardness at being literally inside him, she showed no indication. It was during these times that Sasuke almost wished for Naruto's easy going manner, or even Kakashi's humorous bluntness. He HAD shared light-hearted moments with Sakura before—his time with Team 7 being one of the rare times he had laughed and smiled genuinely—but how they came to be, was something that was beyond Sasuke's reach.

Finally, she withdrew her presence. Something in him always went cold whenever she did so. What a strange sensation, he thought.

"Everything seems to be fine," she said softly, as her fingers fluttered to the sides of his throat. He felt himself go still. However, she was only moving on to the next phase of her check-up, which was to check his lymph nodes. She had informed him a few weeks earlier that she had worried that he had the same sickness that ailed Itachi, and while that possibility (and her almost-casual way she said his brother's name) had taken him aback, he was quick to acquiesce to her request to check his throat area, as one of the more obvious symptoms Itachi had were his compromised respiratory system. His brother's disease was rare, he was informed, but Sasuke having a similar background and the similar "stresses" (what a delicate term for everything he's been through, he thought) that Itachi did, Sakura made it clear that she would rather be safe than sorry.

"Say aaah."

"Aaaah."

She giggled. "Maybe we should've done this before we had lunch."

He made some noise of annoyance at the back of his throat. Then maybe she should've come before lunch, he thought, annoyed.

She didn't crack any more jokes after that. "Well, everything looks good, looks normal." He heard her flick off the small flashlight as she finally stepped away.

"And my eyes?" He hated how vulnerable that sounded.

He sensed her hesitate. He heard the click of her medical kit and a sigh as she sat down again. "I have to be honest with you, Sasuke-kun. Your eyes are not getting any worse…but they're not getting any better either."

He felt his hands curl into fists. He will not lash out at Sakura. He will not lash out at Sakura. "So how long before it does get better?"

"We've been through this before. Like I said before, I can't say. Can be a month before we see any improvements, can be years." Dimly, he thought that the Sakura of old might have become a tad more defensive in the face of his impatience, but the Sakura who sat opposite him now spoke in calm and measured tones. A true professional, and perhaps even more, here was a kunoichi who now regarded herself as equal to him. He no longer fazed her.

"I don't know how long I can take living like this," he said through gritted teeth. He could function as a normal human being without his eyes, but not as a shinobi. And not as an Uchiha.

"I'm really sorry, Sasuke-kun," she said softly, and he knew she meant it. Sakura was only second to Naruto in sincerity in everything she did and said.

"But surely, in your years of treating Kakashi…" he ventured. He tried to quell the rising desperation in his voice.

"It's not the same," she interrupted. "Kakashi hasn't pushed himself with the Sharingan as extremely as you did. He knew his limits, and he respected them as much as he could. I'm quite sorry to say that I can't say the same for you…although having Karin on your team very early on could also attribute to how you lasted as long as you did."

The way she suggested how he could have possibly died, that casual way of hers, made him laugh. "You know what they say about unwanted weeds, Sakura," he said.

"What do they say?"

"We're hard to kill."

"So it would seem." There was a smile in her voice.

There was that silence again.

"Team Hebi wants to see you," she finally said. Whether she wanted to or not, Sakura had become his unofficial gatekeeper now. "I think it's fine, but it's all up to you, of course."

"I'll think about it."

"Alright," he wasn't quite sure if he liked the almost-placating lilt to her voice.

This was an island, Sasuke thought. This moment was an island. His blindness left him drift far from shore, and for the first time in his life, Sasuke felt almost relieved. For the first time in his life, he had no choice but to keep still, and while he had rebelled against it in the beginning, the forced sabbatical had anchored him in one place in a way that hadn't happened for years. He would almost say that it almost felt like being home again. If home had ever been a real thing to him, if home was something he could truly come back to.

But there was hell to pay and it was waiting for the moment he regained his eyesight.

With that in mind, he wondered why she stayed. Why she still stayed.

The night he defected from Konoha was never far from his mind.

Sakura breathed deeply. "It's quiet in here."

"Been quiet for years," Sasuke retorted before he could stop himself.

She had nothing to say to that.

"Sakura…"

"Yes."

"You don't have to, you know…"

"What?"

"You don't have to…" god, pulling the words from his mouth seemed more torturous than pulling teeth. "You don't have to come here, if you don't want to."

She shifted in her seat, clearly choosing her words carefully. "And why wouldn't I want to? I'm a doctor, you're my patient."

"Stop being obtuse. You know what I mean." His words were sharp, but he tried to soften it with his hand over hers.

Strong, chapped fingers clutched his own. "I do know what you mean, and the answer is still no. I will be here Sasuke-kun. As long as it takes, I will be here." There was urgency in her voice, and he knew this was as good as promise. Sakura would never leave him. How he could have earned such loyalty, he could never understand.

But he feared that perhaps…perhaps she was here under false pretences? He didn't want to ask…maybe he didn't want to know, either. He didn't pull his hand away, but then again, neither did she. Feelings were damnable things. If he had things his way, he'd be more than happy to trade his in. And the question of their past association hung in the air, unasked, and he didn't know how to bring it out in the open. He'd been so used to keeping his cards close to his chest that when the time came to air everything out, he found that he didn't know how to.

"I'm just worried about you, alright?" Sakura said, and he could almost see those soft green eyes. "And the apologizing…" she meant the consequences, of course, "…all of that, can come later alright? As long as you get better, that's all that matters to me. That's what we need to focus on right now."

The answers could come later, she meant, and he had understood. Any recriminations or blaming on her part…she admitted she could wait until then. But she would make them; he had no doubt about it now. She had loyalty, but not the reckless and blind loyalty of the Sakura of the old.

He couldn't help but wonder why.

The answer came unexpectedly, when Sakura began to pull away her hand.

That's when he felt it; the smooth ring on her finger.

Something inside him went a little cold. She must have sensed it too, when his retreating hand brushed over the metal. He let his hand stay there, a bit stupidly. He almost felt relieved that his eyes were covered with bandages to cover his surprise a little better.

"I didn't know how to bring it up," Sakura finally said. It seemed like he wasn't the only one who had been having difficulty bringing up tough subjects.

If he had been completely honest with himself, Sasuke had always expected Sakura to be…waiting. Not that his return had been something in the cards for himself, but it had always been something that he thought would be a fixed point in his life, one of the few that were. Like Naruto promising to bring him back to Konoha, Sakura's unwavering love was something that Sasuke did not doubt, although it had gone against his own self-interests time and again. And this revelation felt akin to being sure that you locked up something precious to prevent loss and finding out you went ahead and lost it anyway. It was a strange sensation, and not something he thought he could fully comprehend nor explain.

"Who is he?"

Maybe it was the exact moment that when he asked, Sakura turned her head just so, that released another familiar scent in the air. Her husband had kissed her, right there, in a secret area in her neck. The information was so sudden and so intimate that Sasuke felt himself redden with embarrassment at the accidental revelation.

"…Kakashi?" he found himself answering his own question.

"Yes, you're right."

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. It was not his place to ask. As much as he held a place in Sakura and Naruto's lives during their genin days, the lost years he had with them would remain as such…lost. He would be as much a spectator to what Team 7 had become as much as they became spectators to his own life. That's just how things went. One day those memories and feelings would just be that…only memories. And he had no one to blame but himself.

"I hope you're happy." What else was there to say?

"I am." Her voice left him with no doubt about it, and her happiness was the gentlest of rebukes.

"I hope he visits me sometime," he said politely. The moment was gone, just like everything else.

"He will, if you invited him," she teased as she stood up. Then, more seriously, she added: "He cares about you, Sasuke. We both do." The thought of Sakura and Kakashi standing together in a united front as husband and wife was still a strange concept, but Sasuke merely forced himself to smile.

"I appreciate that, Dr. Hatake."

"Oh god," she exhaled a disbelieving snort, letting the Sakura of old shine through. "Please don't. I feel old enough as it is."

Sasuke suddenly felt old, too. He felt like he was a hundred years old.

They quickly cleaned up the remnants of their lunch with no more words. He ushered Sakura back to the foyer and waited for her to put her shoes back on. She was out on the pathway before she turned back to face him again. "I'll see you next week then, Sasuke-kun."

And before either of them registered what was happening, Sasuke had reached out to her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Whatever it was, she seemed to understand, as she opened her arms to embrace him tightly back. He pressed a kiss on her forehead, and on her cheek, before he released her. He thought he felt tears, but he couldn't be too sure.

He drew away. She was still standing there, steadfast as she always was.

He was the first to turn away, as he always did. But he had let her go, as he should have, all those years ago.

And he would never admit it, but it hurt to have felt her so relieved as he did so.

-Fin-

**A/N:** Idk guys, I feel a little weird about this. I had this whole concept of bringing a twist to this prompt by posing a challenge to myself to write from Sasuke's point of view. I just wanted to write Sasuke's penchant for self-deceit, as he always seems to be fooling himself that he's doing the right thing, and that he doesn't care about things, and I'm not sure how successful I was ORZ. In any case, I'm always interested in love stories as they're seen by outsiders, or love stories as experienced in the absence of their lover. In this case, I also really wanted Sakura to experience that awkwardness of having to talk one-on-one with your first love. It's not the most comfortable situation in the world, but it's hella interesting to write about. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


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